A Heart Broken Woman

Letter from Refugee Woman
Living in Malaysia

06 May 2008

"Ko Ko, I am your loving wife, Sandra, coming to Malaysia to be with you.”

Malaysia is host to an estimated 90, 000 asylum seekers and refugees, who come from Southeast Asia, South Asia, the Middle East and Africa. Civil society group, are extremely concerned about the way they are treated in Malaysia. For most part, they are punished as illegal immigrants rather than recognized as a vulnerable population in need of our protection and assistance. Despite having awareness of their precarious position, the Malaysian government has yet to develop clear policies concerning these vulnerable groups. Within these groups are women who face multiple forms of discrimination.

Here is a letter from a refugee woman living in Malaysia written in her own words.

My name is Sandra; I would like to express my feeling of being abandoned by my husband. This abuse was happened indirectly because of our government too. I am here, sharing you my true story that comes from the bottom of my heart!

Last six years ago, I have married with my dearest boyfriend as we chose each other as our life partners. After marriage, due to the torture of the government by not volunteering in porter, by getting so many injuries, my husband had to flee away to escape the punishment. He planned to come back when the situation is cooled. Being a new marriage, my father and mother in-law were so much sympathized to me and they treated me as their own daughter.

As the new marriage, we didn’t get any child before he left. And my mother father in-laws were anxious to see their grand child. In the beginning my husband kept in touch. Slowly his contact differed longer and longer, finally, after two years, totally we lost his contact. Day by day, month by month, my Mother and father in-laws were counting the day of their son arrival. Months were killed and years were also gone, now it is already six years since he left home.

As I didn’t get any news from him, my father in-law willingly agreed and said to me to think of getting married with another man for my life partner. But, I stubbornly rejected them and by their support only I joined a smuggle agent and I was trying to come out of our country and seek for my husband. Ofcourse, through his friends I have got some information that he is still alive, but no more other information.

Step by step I was trying to trace him, finally, I have some confirm information that he is working in Puchong. I tried to get his number and started to call him, he replied me, who is this? With dry voice. I was terribly felt sorry, but still talking nice “Ko Ko, I am your loving wife, Sandra, coming to Malaysia to be with you.” I was shocked and wondered why my husband didn’t show happy when I come here to meet him. The situation showed that things were not like before.

Inevitably, he came to meet me and arranged for me one room to stay, but never come back regularly. Kept on saying that I have over time work. I was so faithful to him and preparing food for him as I would like to enjoy dinner with him. But, he never enjoyed food with me, instead, saying that I had already at work. He didn’t give me his salary and I had to earn my own by washing the workers’ clothes. RM2 per one pair of dress. The workers also helped me by giving me wash their clothes, and by the end of the month, I used to earn 300 RM some times 400 RM and above.

Even all the people around me treat me well, my husband didn’t do so. One day, he came home and bit me without any reasons. My cousin brother heard that he has an affair with an Indonesia lady outside, staying together as husband and wife, and building up their family in some other area of Kuala Lumpur. Since then, my brother stopped me in communicating with him. As my brother raised his anger out of control, he was beaten up by my brother. But, due to my attachment and loyalty on him, I couldn’t change my mind to leave him. I secretly would go and meet him where my brother couldn’t catch me. As he knew that I love him very much, he was so much flattered of himself and never be humble. All of my friends also taught me to feel bitter on him. But, I couldn’t.

I am a traditional Burmese lady, I value myself, and am very faithful to my husband, I can’t imagine how to forget him. But, he didn’t have a heart. Brutally, he left me and went to Indonesia and stay with the Indonesia lady. My heart is broken again. But, nothing I can do. I went to receive counseling at W.A.O; I used to cry as much as I could to wash away all my pain. I never think that, I will be happy all of my life because, I have been cheated by my husband again and again, and eventually I have been abandoned by him. I tried to do meditation and pray for him, wishing him that he may not experience the same as I am suffered. Thanks to W.A.O, with their counseling, I could heal my pain and tried to smile with tears.

Whenever I miss him I do my crying. But, no hope to meet him again. I wish God may grow some new love inside my heart and meet some new good partner according to W.A.O taught me. I did the same. And I realized that our family had broken, because of Military Junta even not directly. I dare not to go back to Burma without a husband. So to change my atmosphere, I have applied for asylum seeker as a real vulnerable woman. If I am considered as a refugee, I will resettle down in any third country.

But, I doubt whether I can be a new person with a new heart?
But, now, my heart always cries inside, don’t know when this suffering infects me as heart attack.
I don’t know how many women suffer this kind of traumatic pain, sourced by the cruel military government? My heart pain may grow eternally I wish all women may not suffer like me which I am suffering really painful!                                                                       

Ma Sandra

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