The new year is round the corner and almost everyone is starting to relax, make plans for the big night, take leave, go for holidays and start a new New Year's Resolution. So how does your resolution look like this time around? Quit smoking/drinking/any other "vices", start exercising more, read more books, spend more time with friends and family etc. How about keeping abreast with political issues and being more conscious of the community's social welfare? Sounds a bit odd, and maybe even slightly pish-tosh pretentious - but we probably know it's a concrete thing that'll help make a nicer world to live in, and perhaps 2004 can be a new start to look at things without merely "me" being in the centre.

Let's start with a reflective exercise. Think about 2003 and the things that you have achieved - new job/promotion/car/house/friends/partner/hobby/skills/knowledge. List them down and make little notes at the side about stuff you would like to spend more time on to expand and improve. Then write down obstacles or challenges you have overcome - examinations, ill health, personal misfortune, mad bosses, mega deadlines, losing a job or loved one etc. Think about your strengths and wisdom in going through them. You might still be in the middle of dealing with something, but it helps to think about the positive aspects of your character that bloomed during difficult times - the determination, flexibility and willingness to open up to new ideas for solutions and not despairing or giving up. Next, think about the faces, voices and laughter of each and every person who touched your life in the past year. Name them and spend some time in appreciating things that they have taught you and new ways of looking of life that they have opened up to you.

Now that you (ought to) feel quite good about life and how a nothing-much year seems to be filled with stuff, let's shift the focus away from the self. Think about things that have happened to your family, friends, neighbours, country and the world. Do you know much about them? Picking random but more visible examples - US launched a war against Iraq, we have a new Prime Minister and Canny Ong lost her life. Imagine living the life of someone who has direct impact from this - waking up in the morning and going through the day, what would your routine be? Go further; think about the millions of nameless people who are suffering from oppression, injustice or calamities. Live the details of their lives - what they might think and do to survive and resist.

Considering that this is a column with a gender dimension, let's explore one aspect deeper: violence against women. The prevalence of violence against women is without dispute. It happens in many homes, to many women, in many ways. Some are beaten by their partners, some suffer from financial or psychological abuse, some are raped, some are subjected to sexual harassment and objectification, some are facing various forms of employment inequalities, some are trafficked and sold - the list goes on. They may be women that you've read about, heard about or know personally. When we encounter their stories, most of us would be disturbed both emotionally and rationally. It's easy to feel overwhelmed, frustrated and angry about this issue that seems so huge and beyond our capacity to solve. How can such blatant cruel treatment of another human being be possible in this day and age?

Two other significant questions that need to be asked are: what am I doing in my daily life that's helping this continue; and what can I do to help stop it?

Perhaps a good start would be that New Year's Resolution. Think about your existing privileges and be accountable for them - when I am enjoying certain things (like immediate recognition of my abilities etc.), at whose expense am I enjoying them? In other words, who is silenced or trod on to prop me up where I am now? What can I do to try and lessen this form of naturalised unequal behaviour or structure? What boundaries do I have to challenge in order to help create a world where people don't have to walk all over other people to get anywhere?

It can start with simple gestures: if you're the sort of person who needs to put other people down (whether intentionally or subconsciously) in order to feel valuable, question yourself and transform as you find necessary. This is especially if you are relying on other forms of normalised categories like sex or race to sustain your mistreatment of other people. It's really not that hard to change the way we think we have to live our lives. Remember the strengths that you displayed during those obstacles faced? No one wins at the end with oppression because our lives are infinitely interconnected in the way civilisation is structured. So think about adding a little gender column in your resolutions for next year, and start living your own recipe for social transformation.

Jaclyn Kee
28th December 2003

Fortnightly Column by WAO on Sunday Mail (Reprinted with permission from Sunday Mail)