- LISTEN
TO WOMEN...LEARN FROM WOMEN
The
path starts with listening.
Who
knows better about violence against women than women who experience
it? Studies tell us that, in most countries, 50 - 100 percent of
women have experienced physical or sexual violence.
Learn
about violence by asking a woman who trusts you how violence has
affected her life. Then, if she feels comfortable to talk, sit back
and listen. Your role isn't to challenge her on the details, nor
debate whether something really should have bothered her or not.
It is to listen. Simply trust that if she tells you something hurt
her, then it did hurt her.
And
turn to your local women's organizations. They have a wealth of
accumulated experience and knowledge. Talk to them. Read their publications.
Contribute financially. Learn from them.
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- LEARN
ABOUT THE PROBLEM
Violence
against women includes physical and sexual assault, sexual harassment,
psychological abuse, or emotional abuse. Not all violence leaves
physical scars. Emotional violence includes regular subjection to
demeaning jokes, domineering forms of behaviour, and sexual harassment.
Some
forms of violence have a greater physical or emotional impact than
others. But all forms of violence contribute to the very real fear
and suffering that women in our society endure. The basic rights
that most men enjoy - safety in their homes, ability to go out at
night, a job free of harassment - are a source of fear for women
in much of the world.
The
fear is greatest in women's own homes. A common myth is that most
violence is committed by strangers. In fact, women are most at risk
from men they know - husbands, boy friends, fathers, relatives,
employers and caregivers.
Most
men love and care about women. And yet frightening numbers commit
acts of violence against the women they say they love. It occurs
throughout the world, among the rich, poor, and the middle class,
and among those of every nationality, religion and race.
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- LEARN
WHY SOME MEN ARE VIOLENT
Men
are not naturally violent. There have been societies with little
or no violence. Studies over the past century have found that half
of the tribal societies studied had little or no violence against
women, against children, or among men. Furthermore, even today,
in many countries the majority of men are not physically violent.
Violence is something that some men learn. Men's violence is a result
of the way many men learn to express their masculinity in their
relationships with women, children and other men. Many men learn
to think of power as the ability to dominate and control the people
and the world around them. This way of thinking makes the use of
violence acceptable to many men.
Most
individual acts of men's violence are a pathetic attempt to assert
control over women, children, or other men. Paradoxically, most
violent acts by men are a sign of weakness, insecurity, and lack
of self-esteem combined with a capacity for physical or verbal domination
and feeling that they should be superior and in control.
Women
are not immune from committing acts of violence. Women's groups
have spoken out against the problem of violence against children,
which is committed by both men and women, although most sexual abuse
is by men. Women too can be violent against men or other women,
but it is far less common than violence by men.
In
many violent incident, men have been drinking alcohol. This might
be because alcohol unleashes feelings, fears, rage, and insecurities
that some men, cut off from their feelings, cannot handle.
But
alcohol doesn't cause violence. Genes don't cause violence. Ultimately,
it is the attempt by some men to dominate women, adult's attempt
to dominate children, and some men's attempts to dominate other
men or groups of men. Violence is a way of asserting power, privilege,
and control.
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- WEAR
A WHITE RIBBON
Change
will occur if we each accept personal responsibility to make sure
it happens. As men who care about the women in our lives, we can
take responsibility to help ensure that women live free from fear
and violence.
Each
year men around the world are wearing a white ribbon from November
25, the International Day for the Eradication of Violence Against
Women, for one or two weeks. (In Canada, we wear the ribbon until
December 6, the day of the 1989 massacre of 14 women in Montreal.)
Wearing
a white ribbon s your personal pledge never to commit violence against
women. It is a personal pledge not to condone acts of violence,
not to make excuses for perpetrators of violence, and not to think
that any woman "asks for it."
It
is a pledge not to remain silent. It is a pledge to challenge the
men around us to end violence.
Wearing
a ribbon provokes discussion, debate and soul-searching among the
men around us. The ribbon is a catalyst for discussion. It is a
catalyst for change.
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- CHALLENGE
SEXIST LANGUAGE AND JOKES THAT DEGRADE WOMEN
Sexist
jokes and language help create climate where forms of violence and
abuse have too long been accepted. Words that degrade women reflect
a society that has historically placed women in second class position.
By reflecting this reality, they once again put women "in their
place" even if that isn't the intention.
One
of the most difficult things for men is to learn to challenge other
men - to challenge sexist language - to challenge men who talk lightly
of violence against women. And to challenge men who engage in violence.
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- LEARN
TO IDENTIFY AND OPPOSE SEXUAL HARASSMENT AND VIOLENCE IN YOUR WORKPLACE,
SCHOOL AND FAMILY
Sexual
harassment refers to unwanted sexual advances or sexually orientated
remarks or behaviour that are unwelcome by another person. Flirting
ad joking are fine if they are consensual and unwanted. But sexual
harassment poisons the environment.
Harassment
is ultimately about inequalities of power. The same action done
by a woman might not bother a man because, in general, our society
has not given women power over men.
Men
can join women in opposing sexual harassment by supporting efforts
in our workplaces and schools to create a healthy and productive
environment.
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- SUPPORT
LOCAL WOMEN'S PROGRAMMES
Around
the world, dedicated women have created support services for women
who are survivors of of men's violence: safe houses for battered
women, rape crisis centres, counselling services, and legal aid
clinics. Women escaping violent situations depend on these services.
These
and other women's organizations deserve men's support and our financial
backing. That's why we encourage local White Ribbon Campaigns to
raise money for the local women's programmes.
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- EXAMINE
HOW YOUR OWN BEHAVIOUR MIGHT CONTRIBUTE TO THE PROBLEM
If
you've ever been physically violent against a woman, if you've committed
sexual assault, if you've hit, pushed, threatened, kicked your spouse
or girlfriend, then you have been part of the problem.
If
this happened long ago, admit what you did was wrong and make amends
if possible. But if such behaviour has any chance of continuing,
then you urgently need to get help getting to the root of your problem.
Don't wait until it happens again. Please act today.
Many
men will never be physically or sexually violent. But let's examine
ways we might try to control women. Do we dominate conversations?
Do we put them down? Do we limit their activities?
Whether
or not you've ever been violent, all men must take responsibility
for ending all forms of violence.
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- WORK
TOWARDS LONG-TERM SOLUTIONS
Ending
violence against women won't happen overnight. Real solutions are
truly long-term solutions. This is because men's violence against
women is rooted in inequalities between men and women, and in the
way men learn to be men.
Legal
changes to combat men's violence against women (such as laws against
rape and battering) are very important. The police and courts must
diligently enforce such laws.
But
this is not enough. Let's work together to change our attitudes
and behaviour. Let's challenge the institutions which perpetuate
inequality between women and men.
Let's
help men be better men by getting rid of our suits of armour, that
is, attitudes which equate masculinity with the power to control.
Let's make positive changes in our relationships with women, children,
and other men. Let's involve men as caregivers and nurturers of
the young.
Changes
in attitudes, behaviour, and institutions take time. And so we must
look at how we raise future generations. We must teach our children,
by example, all forms of violence are unacceptable, and that for
boys to become men, they do not need to control or dominate women,
men, or children.
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- GET
INVOLVED WITH THE WHITE RIBBON CAMPAIGN'S EDUCATIONAL EFFORTS
The
White Ribbon Campaign (WRC) is the largest effort in the world of
men working to end men's violence against women.
The
WRC is a grass-root effort, relying mainly on volunteers. Because
the purpose of the campaign is for men to take responsibility for
working to end men's violence against women, it is an organization
of men. But we greatly appreciate the support of women.
Aside
from organizing the annual wearing of white ribbons (starting November
25 for one or two weeks), local supporters can do other things throughout
the year. They can give talks in schools, communities, and workplaces;
raise money for women's groups; organize special events to support
positive roles for men; talk to young people about building healthy
relationships; start a local White Ribbon Campaign; and financially
support the work of the WRC.
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